It isn't alright, not by a long shot. None of it is, not the fact that it happened in the first place or that it has him so thrown now, when Jerry knows he should be able to put it behind him. He's seen much worse things than what played out in Chinatown that night, and he knows that it could have gone a lot worse than it did, too. He wasn't in time to stop it, but it isn't as if he did nothing. That's just a small consolation when faced with such a sudden, clean reminder of it. How he's supposed to say any of that to Grace, though, he doesn't still know, not least when she's already shouldered far more than she should have had to. Besides, she's the only reason they didn't all die there that night, and he doesn't want her to think for a second that he's anything less than grateful for it. That's just all the more reason why he shouldn't have kept her waiting. "Yeah, well, maybe I do," he says, leaning instinctively into her touch even as he drops his gaze to look away from her. "It shouldn't... have to be this big a deal."