It isn't just that, Jerry wants to say. It's so much more than the part he might have played in the whole thing, the fact that, if he'd been just a few moments sooner, he might have been able to stop it. He never was cut out to go to war, not back when he enlisted and not really when he showed up for O'Mara and the others. That was just a hell of a lot easier, when they had the advantage the whole time. Busting up Cohen's clubs wasn't all that different from his usual job, except it was working towards one concrete goal, something necessary, a cause that had come to mean a lot to him. With the tables turned, though, and them being the ones under fire, it was entirely different. He just doesn't know how to tell her that, how to own up to how fucking scary it was, even more after the fact, with time to think about how easily it could have gone much worse. He's gone and made himself look awful enough already. He doesn't need to add to that.

"I just wasn't expecting it," he says, letting out a slow breath. "All of that here, I mean." It's not really an answer to her question, but he hasn't got one, and he doesn't know how to own up to that, either. Finally making himself look up at her again, he frowns. "I am sorry I kept you waiting. I mean that."